That Good ol’ Affective Context
- Sensei Sevan Ross
And
what, friends, is Right Speech? Abstaining from false speech,
abstaining from malicious speech, abstaining from harsh speech, and abstaining from idle chatter -- this is called right speech. -- The
Buddha, spoken in the Deer Park
Saccavibhanga
Sutta, Sutta 141 of the Majjhima Nikaya
When we consider the Path of right Speech, we
may think that we are finally on familiar ground, that understanding this Path of the Eightfold Path is simple, that there is clear meaning
to the “right” here, because it stands clearly opposed to the “wrong” of lying,
Slander, rumor, aimless chatter, and insult. We may consider that everyone pretty much knows what Right Speech is, so
we can go on to the rest of the Eightfold Path now, to the tougher-to-grasp Paths.
But perhaps we should not leave so quickly. In a talk given somewhat later, the Buddha, addressing a prince,
elaborates greatly on Right Speech, referring to what he himself does, setting for us a higher standard, and requiring us to look more
carefully:
So too,
prince, such speech as the Tatagata knows to be untrue, incorrect, and unbeneficial, and which is also unwelcome and disagreeable to others:
such speech the Tatagata des not utter. Such speech as the Tatagata
knows to true and correct, but unbeneficial, and which is also unwelcome and disagreeable to others: such the Tatagata does not utter. Such speech as the Tatagata knows to be true, correct, and beneficial,
but which is unwelcome and disagreeable to others: the Tatagata knows the time to use such speech. Such speech as the Tatagata knows to be untrue, incorrect, and
unbeneficial, but which is welcom and agreeable to others: such
speech the Tatagata des not utter. Such speech as the Tatagata
knows to true and correct, but unbeneficial, and which is welcome
and agreeable to others: such the Tatagata does not utter. Such speech as the Tatagata knows to true and correct, and beneficial, and which
is welcome and agreeable to others: the Tatagata knows the time to use such speech.
--
The Buddha, speaking to Prince Abhaya
Abhayarajakumara
Sutta, Sutta 58 of the Majjhima Nikaya
Some years ago, after a difficult Sangha
meeting, a member more senior than I said to me that I was pretty rough on some people in the meeting. I informed him that those people needed to grow thicker skins. (Such arrogance!) He retorted with this: “We do not always see what our words do to people deep inside.” This haunted me for weeks, and helped me make something of a course
correction in the process of my own unfolding. I have repeated it
many times since, though I must admit that many of these times it has been to myself.
If we are to hope to see how our speech affects
others we must measure that speech before it is uttered. Timing
here is indeed everything. Once we open our mouths we cannot call
back the words. (It is rather like forgetting someone’s birthday. No matter what you say or do or buy them after this has happened, you
still forgot, and everyone feels pain over this.) This means that
we must carefully consider what we want our speech to “do” in any given situation. We are required to be aware of the psychological, emotional, and
intellectual condition of the listener(s). What will help here? Not help me -- but just help. What kind of help is needed? Who needs it?
Can help be provided at all by speaking? (More often that we are likely to admit, it cannot.) We must cultivate a deep sensitivity for others, but more, we must learn
how to apply that sensitivity to real situations, and these situations are complex, and often they develop and mutate quickly.
If we are to consider what we say before we say
it, we must slow down. For those of us who are “drivers” of
events, this is a hard lesson and often an ongoing struggle -- it is the struggle of reining in the ego, of allowing that what we think (or
better, feel) we have to offer in speech may not really be all that valuable.
There is a certain maturing of the spirit to be had when we can slow down, wait, listen, consider, and then perhaps add nothing at
all to the discussion, and then let go even of that entire chain of events.
But it really is not enough to slow down and use
care. If we are to be truly helpful, we must consider what
linguists might refer to as the affective environment of speech. All
speech relates to a context, and that context to other, more global contexts in an ever increasing set of contextual concentric circles in a
multitude of dimensions: where (space), when, in what cultural or
cross cultural context, sub cultural contexts, at what point in history (both individual and global), the context of the maturity or immaturity of those present. The list goes on. Right Speech demands that we become sensitive to all of this without
being subdued by it.
The fact is that we actually alter these
contexts as we go. It is this power, in fact, that we abuse so
unwittingly and so easily. Affective context can be changed with a
single word, phrase, gesture. Discussions and conversations may be elevated by our heartfelt and appropriate efforts, or all hope for future
communication may be jeopardized if we are not skillful. The
practicing Buddhist must be actively aware of both the malleability and the restrictions of affective context, and must act accordingly,
even when others involved may not be so aware of the possible damage their speech can have in a given context.
Let’s say we need to deliver a difficult
message, perhaps offer constructive criticism.
Before we open our mouths, we need to “sit”
with the situation to allow all of the affective context to reveal itself to us.
We need to go beyond the questions of how we should begin, what exact words we should use, how the person might take the message, etc., though these are
critical. We need to get in touch with what result we are looking
for, and by this we mean not only the changed behavior in the other, but the actual shape of the new affective context we will be creating: What will our new relationship be after I open my mouth? Not only after the whole discussion has passed, but right after I utter
the sentence containing the criticism. We do not always see the
effect of our words.
Affective context does not ask to be defined in
linguistic or psychological terms. We can feel it as we would heat
or light or water on the skin. Sometimes it is only this feeling
that we take away from a conversation, or even a stray remark. This
impression is what we are accessing when we know that, though we cannot find anything definable in the words or sentences of a fresh
discussion that marks any change in the relationship between ourselves and another, there has been a shift in this relationship, our
affective context, and we are sure of it. So we can be quite sure
that in approaching any speech event we should be aware of the current environment, and of where we may be able to move that environment.
Is the affective context “hot” currently? That is, is there an inflammation in the relationships of the speakers? Is there anger and hatred there? If so, then what we say must not further shed “heat” on the
discussion, but instead shed “light.” Is the affective context
dense, unclear, thickish to the touch? Is there a fogginess, and is
it always slow going? Maybe we need “heat” here -- straight
talk with a higher emotional valence. Perhaps a general discussion
has become bogged down, confused, caught in an intellectual forest of dead words.
Maybe here too we need some heat to get the context to turn to a more grounded direction.
Right speech is not so simple as not using wrong
speech. It is the act of lifting our relationships to a better
level when we can, and doing this through our sensitivity to what our context is now, and what it will possibly become when we open our
mouths. In the end, it becomes the responsibility of the party who
is generally most skilled at all this, who is more mature is the use of Right Speech, to help move this context onto a higher plane, despite
the resistance felt on the part of others.
It is up to the world community to help the two
warring factions in the Middle East elevate their discussion and thus change their context from one of great heat to one of more light
instead. It is up to the parent to guide discussions with a child
to discussions that are clear and direct, but always loving and respectful.
Right Speech is not a “state” but rather a skill acquired over time and with practice -- practice of always being keenly aware
that while we indeed do not know what the impact of our words may be, and have been, we are still responsible for this impact. Speech is quite powerful -- we must guard against the abuse of this
power, no matter whether by will or negligence.
Reprinted
with permission of Rochester Zen Center
First
appearing in Zen Bow, Summer 2002